BEING ME

blog pix

There is so much on my plate right now that I can barely breathe.  But, breathe I must or I will pass out and probably die.  And if I die my two cats with be forced to eat ME as they can’t work the can opener or the refrigerator.   What a horrible thought and en even more horrible graphic.  Actually, being me right now isn’t such a bad thing.

Seriously, I am busy as hell doing what I finally am able to concentrate on, writing and knitting.  Being unemployed is not good, being broke sucks.  But, I am finally doing what I have aspired to do since I was in my teens, be nappy.  oops, I meant “happy,” be happy! I am a California gal, I just want to smile and be happy, no stress, no worries, pay rent, pay my bills, but be happy. 

When I was a teenager and I got to peek at a film script for movie More American Graffiti and I decided then that I wanted to write.  I started knitting when I was a girl, but I was bullied in middle school and high school for knitting and crocheting my own jumpers and hats.  But, I kept up both as best I could do, I am basically self-taught in both fields.

Unfortunately, I never kept journals, but I wrote plays for the kids in my neighborhood, mainly to keep them off the streets and from hurting each other.  When I noticed how talented the kids were and how enthused they were about being in plays I was hooked on writing.  I ran away from under my mother’s apron strings at twenty-three and went to Los Angeles; back home I studied acting and fancied being a Hollywood sitcom star.  Tee Vee dreams went south and I eventually returned to writing plays.  I had a few successes and won minor awards in L.A., but I returned home in the 1990s just when the economy sucked and local play theaters went  out of business.  I could not afford to produce my own work and I did not have enough resources to help me.  Unfortunately, I lost my playwright’s “mojo.”

in 2002 I discovered my mother was ill and two years later I placed her into an “assisted living” facility.  It was then that I discovered a literary book voice I never knew I had.  I started writing a book of poems; a memoir for mom and short stories including a book about a man slash cat, Spoiled Beyond Recognition.  I am currently writing my first full-length fiction novel, Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar; A fiction novel inspired by one of the author’s favorite movies, 1950 classic, “All About Eve,” starring Bette Davis and Celeste Holm.  “Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar,” is about sex; rock & roll; lies; adultery; blind ambition; extreme narcissism; delusion; and the corruption and manipulation of social media. The book is about one woman, a selfish ingenue obsessed with fame and fortune.

my GIRL book draft! “Draft” cover version, 2013

And, here I am, years later after having taken a “leap of faith” to focus on my literary and crafts life.  I am focused on me, not the dutiful daughter, sister or friend.  I am finally doing what makes me happy.  I am busy with blogs and websites to facilitate, employment to seek and a social life; I am a bit of a shut-in, although, the internet is helping me become more sociable. 

What is the point to this blog?  Well, I am not one for tooting my own horn, so to state, but I must admit for a old broke heffa with two elderly no-job-having pussies, depleted bank accounts and an expired bus pass, I am not doing too poorly.  I am doing everything on my own which is very difficult, but I am doing it with the push and determination I never thought I had. At a time when most people at mid-life are winding down and craving retirement in their second throng, I am just getting my life started!  I feel like my mojo is in place and ready to help me “get it crackin’!” More important, I am proud of myself for not giving up.  I almost did give up, but I am back on track because my head and my heart know what they want.  With a firm sense of fortitude and courage I am ready to take on my dreams full throttle!

And there it is.  And here I am.  And away I go; best seller; massive sales, fans; fame.  Yeap, I do believe being me right now is a good thing.  I do believe I am ready for my close-up.

See ya soon! LDS

Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar – a Fiction Novel

First, yay!  It’s a great morning because I did not wake up with an eighteen pound Tabby on my neck!  He left my bed before I got up. Yay!

Second, sample copies of my fiction novel, Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar, is pressed and is ready for review by my management team.

SAMPLE COVER:

my GIRL book draft!

Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar is a fiction story about Sex; lies; rock and roll; adultery; hustling; delusion and social media.  The story centers on one woman, Joy, an attention-starved lonely little girl who grew up with an alcoholic mother and her well-liked philandering musician father who taught Joy, “the world is yours long as you use the right hustle.” I hope to have Girl With…edited and ready for final review by mid summer 2013.  Will show a picture when it arrives. 

Third, my fiction novel, Spoiled Beyond Recognition, is almost ready for review, about a spoiled adopted alpha male cat, it is of course based on my own boy cat.  So far my demographics looks very small, there are plenty of people who simply do not like cats.  Sad.  But, I will prevail as the book is about much more than a feline as it is about FAITH and hope.

SAMPLE COVER:

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Last,  thanks to everyone who follows my blog.  I will do my best to return the favor as soon and as much as I can.

Well, it’s Sunday which means, morning stretch; coffee; writing, breakfast; writing; gym, back home writing, eat; writing, bathe; eat again; in bed knitting.  Jealous? Tee, hee!  Cheers!

ALMOST THERE, BUT NOT QUITE, BUT…

One of my manuscripts is being published before the one I really wish to be published is published.  Make sense?  Yes?  No?  What?

Why do people who write, I mean, who take writing seriously, why do we start projects and are convinced they will take off, but then we pick up an older project and finish it and it becomes published before the first project?  Why do we do that?  Or, is it only me, am I the only person who makes my life difficult? Or, maybe not “difficult,” maybe I live my life better with conflicts and deadlines and stress, oh my!  Okay, well there it is, I live my life on the edge.

Anywhoo, I am about to publish a book I actually wrote when I was sick with a miserable cold and at home for an entire week.  I wrote it in a week, it was written very simply and to the point.  I published a draft, set it down and then…years later I am on it again.   It’s actually not so bad.  Not at all. I don’t even care if there will be an audience for it, I mean, I would love for there to be, but if not, oh damned well!  At least the thing is finalized, that’s all I care about at this point.  I’ll worry about selling the book and making $$$$ and all that later.  Creativity is ripe and and I am happy, for now.

Okay, well taking a quick break before I continue, might have something greasy and salty for lunch.  Then later a meeting with my tiny management team.  Then more writing then knitting then sleeping with dreams of travel and movement.

Happy weekend to all!

“FALLEN DOWN, BUT NOT DESTROYED”

When I went back to college in the 1990s I was told I had to take English 214 or I could not graduate.

Taking an English class when English is one’s first language is slightly humiliating and not as easy as one might think.  I learned that Americans take way too much for granted, we think we speak and write English perfectly, only to find out, we don’t!  Plus, English teachers single out those who are English majors and those who are not, my major was Developmental Psychology.  I learned that unless you adored English or were exceptionally smart there was no way the teacher would give non-English majors an A or B.  I think I left college with a B- or a C in English 214.  But I passed.

I learned how elitist some situations in life can be.  This rings true in the literary world as well.

People like J.K. Rowling; Toni Morrison; Ann Rice; John Grissom; Steven King are in the literary world experts in their fields worthy of being recognized because they put forth the effort to major in writing or English lit.  Or, they had agents like Ms. Rowling to help them push their work.  Or, some of them had been published before they became famous, so they had credentials.  Good for them, but that leaves some of us artists out of the loop.

When I was an actor, I could not find work because I was not a working actress and I could not be a working actress because I could not find work.  That Catch 22 type situation bothered the hell out of me.  And it still stinks today.  People like Kim Kardashian who possess no talent, but is a celebrity because she has a marketing genius for a mother and because she hung out with noted people like Paris Hilton and Ray J to help her get seen, now has major endorsements going for her.  A real actor or singer who wants to be in the industry has to jump through hoops an hurdles to get over, but people like Kim can glide in on big booties and sex tapes.  How nice.  So-called author James Fry tricked Oprah Winfrey into thinking he was a literary genius, but his book was found to be a fake she later learned, should have said something to the industry.   He studied art, went to LA and became a screen writer and producer and director, got an agent, wrote  a book on alcohol and drug abuse, got it published, got on Oprah then revealed his book was a fake.  Okay, well then if those people can make it, a dyslexic, hearing impaired Psych major with no major writing credentials should get attention for my work, right?

I am on my fifth rejection from lit agents and publishers, yet none of them give me details as to why they don’t like my project.  Second, when you submit most of them prefer that you submit to them singularly which means you might have to wait a few weeks or a few months just to hear back from an agent or publisher one at a time.  How stupid is that?  You make people wait just to hear them say no?  Ridiculous.

Look, I know there is no easy way to getting “over” as the saying goes, but I am not a liar, I don’t hang out with noted celebs, nor do I have a sex tape and my booty is flatter than a one-egg pie.  I don’t subscribe to that old adage of it is “who you know, who you do, what lies you tell or how much money you have to pay your way in” it’s just not for me.

I think that when an opportunity presents itself someone with authority should listen, regardless of where that opportunity comes from.  Don’t discriminate because you never heard of the person or because the word count is too low or too high.  Simply look at what they presented, commend them for their efforts and even if you don’t accept their project hook them up with someone who might.

To all the publishers and agents out there who refuse to acknowledge fledgling writers all over the world, writers whose voices are rudely quieted…GET OVER YOURSELVES AND RECOGNIZE THOSE OF US WHO ARE NON-ENGLISH MAJORS!  DON’T BEHAVE LIKE SHORT-SIGHTED FOOLS!  Until then, I am moving forward with more queries, more submissions and more hope.  I am…

“…Fallen down, but not destroyed.”

Journey, song lyrics from the album Trial by Fire 1996