A greasy thigh, a quick walk, and I’ll be fine.

Of course I know life is not fair, never has been never will be.   Sh*t happens, natural disasters, which seem to be the new “black” these days, are running rampant along with unemployment, homelessness, so on.

Life is not fair.  I am always coming up slightly short, or just getting by but not getting over.  I spent my life trying to grab hold of a brass ring only to get pushed off the merry-go-round by more aggressive ring grabbers time and time again.

But, my “issues” are not why I state life is unfair, sh*t happens, of course it does.  My whole life is racing before me, as it is with us all, and all I have going for me is to pay my bills month after month and exist, month after month, year after year, natural disaster victims, old people, but this is not why I state life is not fair.  Life is just…well, life.

I am learning that to be happy you have to make of life what YOU can regardless of the circumstance.  This is what I am learning.  I am learning that life does not offer up happiness, you have to find it where you can and hold on tight in order not to fall off the deep edge when life throws you a curve ball.  Actually, what makes me not fall off the deep edge is something  my mother always said, “don’t commit suicide, you’ll only make your enemies happy!”  :c)  Sorry, *snort* but that cracks me up every time.  Point is, I try not to give up and to realize life is life and I have to keep it pushing.  But, at times I get frustrated at life.  Case in point:

I read an article today about some young chick who lost her job, ended up living in a trailer, blogged about it and now she has a book deal.   That gal was homeless, but kept her laptop without electricity and managed to get thousands of readers to view her blog without purchasing blog ads.  http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/112801/fight-to-rejoin-middle-class-usnews


How’d that happen?  I am not homeless, not yet, and I had a good life, no drugs, with a normal parent, very little controversy, no sex tapes, I ate regularly, was clothed, bathed and had medical and dental.  Don’t I have a voice?  Why is it no one is interested in what people like me have to say, but rather those with severe issues get all the glory?  I have been trying for years to get my mom’s photography slash table book published by traditional publishers, but to no avail.  What did I do wrong?  Should I have lied about having a hard-knock life with no apartment, toss out my cats and my bed, rape a few puppies, beat my poor mother to a bloody pulp and hold her book between my sagging naked boobs to get attention?!  Hmm?!  I guess life only becomes fair when you have a “gimmick” in place, right?  But, what about those of us with no gimmick?  How in the hell do we get our voices heard?

Everyone deserves to have a voice and to commercialize it in order to make a living in the right way.  But, why is it the lucky people are those who do twists and turns and bend the truth or sleep around or pretend to be homeless, I am not saying that gal pretended.  Years ago both  the Chicago Times and Oprah herself were duped by people who had claimed to be something they weren’t.  Those folks, those liars, got book deals, they made money and they got more than 15 minutes of fame.  I will never forget those stories nor will I have sympathy for those duped folks.  But, what about the message, life is unfair unless you pull the wool over someone’s eyes?

I am not bitter.   I am simply frustrated and so over life right now.  I am not a hustler, I don’t need to lie or fabricate, or do a sex tape to get over, I have talent that I simply want to express truthfully, plain and simple.  Oh well, guess I will have to see what the future brings.  Maybe there is a guardian angel in my horizon that will help see me through this torturous adventure.

Actually, what I will do now is get over being angry and frustrated by having a quick lunch, a piece of leftover Popeye’s chicken, then a quick walk, and then I will get back to work on my mom’s book, by myself, and try to figure out how in the hell I will sell that book, by myself.

What I do know is this, until the time comes when I get something out of all this hard work, whether I do it alone or not or not, I will hold my breath and forge ahead, weary, frustrated, but fairly happy and quite full…of greasy fried chicken!


When I went back to college in the 1990s I was told I had to take English 214 or I could not graduate.

Taking an English class when English is one’s first language is slightly humiliating and not as easy as one might think.  I learned that Americans take way too much for granted, we think we speak and write English perfectly, only to find out, we don’t!  Plus, English teachers single out those who are English majors and those who are not, my major was Developmental Psychology.  I learned that unless you adored English or were exceptionally smart there was no way the teacher would give non-English majors an A or B.  I think I left college with a B- or a C in English 214.  But I passed.

I learned how elitist some situations in life can be.  This rings true in the literary world as well.

People like J.K. Rowling; Toni Morrison; Ann Rice; John Grissom; Steven King are in the literary world experts in their fields worthy of being recognized because they put forth the effort to major in writing or English lit.  Or, they had agents like Ms. Rowling to help them push their work.  Or, some of them had been published before they became famous, so they had credentials.  Good for them, but that leaves some of us artists out of the loop.

When I was an actor, I could not find work because I was not a working actress and I could not be a working actress because I could not find work.  That Catch 22 type situation bothered the hell out of me.  And it still stinks today.  People like Kim Kardashian who possess no talent, but is a celebrity because she has a marketing genius for a mother and because she hung out with noted people like Paris Hilton and Ray J to help her get seen, now has major endorsements going for her.  A real actor or singer who wants to be in the industry has to jump through hoops an hurdles to get over, but people like Kim can glide in on big booties and sex tapes.  How nice.  So-called author James Fry tricked Oprah Winfrey into thinking he was a literary genius, but his book was found to be a fake she later learned, should have said something to the industry.   He studied art, went to LA and became a screen writer and producer and director, got an agent, wrote  a book on alcohol and drug abuse, got it published, got on Oprah then revealed his book was a fake.  Okay, well then if those people can make it, a dyslexic, hearing impaired Psych major with no major writing credentials should get attention for my work, right?

I am on my fifth rejection from lit agents and publishers, yet none of them give me details as to why they don’t like my project.  Second, when you submit most of them prefer that you submit to them singularly which means you might have to wait a few weeks or a few months just to hear back from an agent or publisher one at a time.  How stupid is that?  You make people wait just to hear them say no?  Ridiculous.

Look, I know there is no easy way to getting “over” as the saying goes, but I am not a liar, I don’t hang out with noted celebs, nor do I have a sex tape and my booty is flatter than a one-egg pie.  I don’t subscribe to that old adage of it is “who you know, who you do, what lies you tell or how much money you have to pay your way in” it’s just not for me.

I think that when an opportunity presents itself someone with authority should listen, regardless of where that opportunity comes from.  Don’t discriminate because you never heard of the person or because the word count is too low or too high.  Simply look at what they presented, commend them for their efforts and even if you don’t accept their project hook them up with someone who might.

To all the publishers and agents out there who refuse to acknowledge fledgling writers all over the world, writers whose voices are rudely quieted…GET OVER YOURSELVES AND RECOGNIZE THOSE OF US WHO ARE NON-ENGLISH MAJORS!  DON’T BEHAVE LIKE SHORT-SIGHTED FOOLS!  Until then, I am moving forward with more queries, more submissions and more hope.  I am…

“…Fallen down, but not destroyed.”

Journey, song lyrics from the album Trial by Fire 1996