BEYOND GOLDEN

golden writingA door has finally crept open, just a crack, just a bit to allow me to walk through.

With the help of “saints” and “special souls” I am able to realize my life-long dream of becoming a television writer.  My script might not make “traditional” television, it might  only become a short piece that piggy backs off some other show I am told.  WHO CARES?  I am just grateful to have a stab at something that makes ME feel happy and fulfilled.  They can put my show on the internet for free for all I care, as long as it is what I created.

I have only wanted one thing in my life, never achieved that, and yet I have done many other things, but only having performed them fairly well.  My mom used to teasing refer to me as a, “jack of all trades, master of none.”  She wanted me to pick one thing and do it well, but I just could not, I was all over the place. And now that I don’t have time to waste on lofty dreams and goals I may finally be forced to concentrate on doing one thing well, one thing that I have wanted to be since I was younger, become “a professional writer who gets paid doing what I love.”  Once I achieve that status all will be well with the world.  Until then I’ve got script re-writes, drafts and I will have to partner with other more established writers before anything happens with my script.  Again, WHO CARES?  I’m celebrating my artistic life!

Until I see my writing to a positive fruition, with the way Hollywood operates I will have to hold on to my 9 to 5 job, I’ll remain hopeful.  Hopeful and grateful to have a job, albeit a very stressful and draining job.  But, I will hold on to as much faith as I can in order to thrive beyond the bill paying world.  I will hold on to faith and believe that I will finally become the artist I was meant to be.  I am always golden, grateful to live and breathe and be healthy, but I am not completely in sync with my life, not while there is so much more living I need to do.  I am sounding like I have given way to a “positive affirmation” blog, buy oh well, whatever.  I will focus harder work harder on my goals and write harder.  When my big moment as a writer arrives and I see my work branch out from keyboard and computer screen to something bigger and more prosperous and on a more permanent basis I will truly be now and forever, BEYOND GOLDEN.

Cheers!  LDS

golden champs_edited

Happy New Year 2014, warts and all!

My “issues” with religion run deep.  I am a non-practicing Catholic since my late 20s; I curse like a drunken sailor; I lose faith if I get a hangnail, I’m insecure most times for no apparent reason.  But, as much as I fail to “believe” and “have faith” on many occasions, I mean, I need a bushel, not a mustard seed, I also realize something very important.  I realize that someone besides my mom wants me to succeed despite my “issues.” 

Someone besides my mom wants me not to give up and blend into the cold wet earth.  Someone besides my mom looks out for me even when I curse and cry that no one gives a fuck about me and what I am trying to accomplish.  Someone besides my mom does not judge me by the number of friends I have, or that I am not “smooth” enough, not “nickel slick” enough to take whatever I want without regard of others.  Someone besides my mom knows exactly who I am and how I want to present myself to the world, whenever I present myself.  Most importantly I realize that someone besides my mom knows I CANNOT GIVE PRAISE UNTIL I LEARN TO PRAISE MYSELF. 

Whomever that someone is accepts Lorrie even when I feel let down at every turn, when I am unmotivated and scared of life.  Whomever that someone is that rests on my shoulders, God, Buddha, Allah, etc. that someone is patient enough, unlike many humans and with the exception of my mom, to allow Lorrie to find her way as best she can do, warts and all.  And I truly am GRATEFUL to whomever that someone is.

champsHere’s wishing everyone a flourishing 2014, warts and all!  LDS