MERCIFUL

Loss is never easy to fathom, no matter the form of “loved one.”  But, the difference between having human loved ones especially children is that you won’t hear a parent say, Well, they’ll probably only live 15 or so good years.  Naturally parents want their kids to live longer than themselves.  When you have pets, however, especially sick ones, one must be merciful, not selfish.  It is not about “you,” it is about the quality of life or lessoning pain to bring the animal to a peaceful ever after.

Pets see you through life-altering events, through childhood, adolescence, single life, adulthood, etc. You bond, you depend upon them as much as they depend upon you.  And when it is time to free them…you must let go.  In my case, he outlived my beloved mother. Matter of fact I only adopted him when mom was first diagnosed. 

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Goodbye to Najee Zaire, my nearly 16 year old diabetic Tabby, my baby boy, was the sweetest male I have ever in my life known. (My heart is truly broken having to put that boy down). He was euthanized and his ashes were spread with other pets’ ashes along the Santa Cruz mountains.  (I watched him being Euthanized, but I was not there when his ashes were spread; it was done by a pet memorial service).

NAJEE ZAIRE

7/2002 – 3/22/2018

Bub

Life, Animals, Humans, Love, Loss. Life Still

All of us come with “baggage” both animals and humans. We all come with genetic coding that either does us in or stays with us longer than we care for it to, Cancer; MS; CP; Mental Illness; Depression; Schizophrenia; Bipolarism; blindness; etc.

Najee boy cat Najee – 2013

I adopted my boy tabby, Najee Zaire, 13 years ago when mom received her Dementia diagnosis. Had no man, no kids in my life, I needed someone or something to offer my heart to. I adopted a girl cat, Pemba Zimbabwe, a year later.

Pemba ZPemba – 2013

And now, 13 years later recent six hundred f**king dollar blood tests prove my girl at 12 yrs old is of exemplary health.  The boy on the other hand developed a type of Stage 2 Diabetes which means additional expensive-ass vet food plus expensive-ass insulin shots that I must learn to administer this week, I’ll do it myself because he hates going to the motherf**king vet; have to put him on sedatives just to get him into the carrier on the way to the vet.  And, the vet tells me he’s to be given  human insulin.  HUMAN insulin for animals, really? And there’s no way for my insurance to cover the cost.  Seriously?  Really?  What-the-who?

Ah, life.

I believe it is time for me to move forward, just as life does, it moves forward.  No more hanging onto the “dutiful” coattails of being good daughter, nursemaid and “mommy.” My mother, whom I cannot bring myself to visit any longer and my boy cat, who is frail, will have to rest safe and sound inside my heart and soul. They have to because I have to move on so that I may allow someone “special” to move in. Whomever that someone is, I must allow him…

…Into my heart…

…Into my soul…

Soon.

Soon.

Soon.

And when (they) pass,

I will cry hard and long on strong, masculine shoulders.

But, not just ears of sadness,

Tears of hopefulness that they will be free

And I will be free and I will move forward

Just as life moves forward.

I will rest and let my tears dry,

And when the moment of grief has passed,

However long it takes to pass

I will know as I have always known,

LIFE moves forward. Still. 

And so will I.

L.D. Sargent

ARE YOU “SPOILED” AS HELL?

book photo 2

CLICK PHOTO FOR LINK

Well, the ole gal’s book is finally ready for purchase!  Introducing SPOILED BEYOND RECOGNITION, the Unusual Life and Agony of an “Angry” Alpha Male, written by me, L.D. Sargent. Now available on Amazon.com.  Also available at Lulu.com. 

Spoiled is about a man who dies and returns to life as a cat that is adopted by his drinking friend and neighbor.

“Spoiled” offers a free LK crochet pattern at the end of the book.  And for the first few folks who purchase a book there will be a gift give-a-way.  Get your copy of Spoiled Beyond Recognition and give rave reviews TODAY!!!  And thanks to all of you in advance for your support!  Lorrie

Are you SPOILED?!!

Well, I thought I was off WordPress, but not quite yet.  I am on Tumblr, but I am not yet ready to BLOG on the site.  You can follow me here:  http://diva4head.tumblr.com/

I am happy to announce my second book, Spoiled Beyond Recognition, the Unusual Life and Agony of an Angry “Alpha” Male is out!  Not yet on Amazon, I think next week, but you can Google search and probably purchase on Lulu.com. (Will add link here soon)

Spoiled story goes like this:

Benjamin, a believer in the afterlife and an ailurophobe after having been bitten by a cat as a boy, was startled by a stray cat at a rooftop retro dance party and fell off.  He woke up inside a cardboard box behind a 1970s-themed Disco bar.  He was later taken in and adopted by his neighbor and friend where he spent the rest of his life as the very thing he detested.  A cat.

Gonna hit the gym to “reload” then gotta prepare the video for the book.

spoiled

Feeling blessed, accomplished and happy.  Have a great weekend, all!  LDS

EYE…WRITE…US

One of the major reasons I stopped complaining online about my ailments, depression and other annoyances is because I choose happiness and have done so for awhile.  Besides, no one needs to hear about yet another illness or depressive moment.  But, after today’s eye doctor appointment I am afraid I need to scream to the rafters! 

I have had “issues” with something called Iritis for six months now, just popped up out of nowhere, I mean it feels like sand scratching my eyeballs and there’s inflammation, burning; redness and severe sensitivity to light, all in one setting!  I mean, it hurts like a MOFO!  I literally wake up in the morning and cannot open my eyes without it burning from light sensitivity and throbbing pain.  Sometimes it’s in both eyes, sometimes it’s in one eye.  To get this off my 50 pounds of middle-aged boobage I can either pontificate online or run naked into the streets screaming for Jesus like someone stole my purse.  Thankfully for all of you out there including small children and animals, I chose the former.

First, it’s times like this I wish I was a standup comedian.  Or, better yet, I wish I had my mother to turn to.  If I was depressed about anything in particular especially the physiological aspects of aging, I hate it, mom would reply in her straight-forward, often painfully blunt New York sensibility with a big dose of her wickedly funny Doris’isms. 

          “Well, you can’t be young forever.  Yea, aging is awful, your tits are down to your knees, you fart for no apparent reason and your hair falls out.  Oh, and don’t have kids, whoo!  Your belly grows as big as two full bags of laundry and you get ‘roids.  Oh, and don’t talk to me about teeth!!!  Whooo, your teeth, let me tell you…!”

By the time I’ve grown a six-pack from laughing so hard I am no longer depressed.  Sore, but not depressed.  But, I can’t share my “issues” with Doris, 82, who is in her eleventh year of “living” if you can call it that, with Dementia and Parkinson’s disease. So, I am afraid I must complain here.

All right, so why in hell can’t doctors figure out where this Iritis thing comes from?  I’m the kind of bitch who likes to know what’s going on with my body.  And the name, “I-ri-tis” sounds like a fake-ass illness!  It’s like, my eye hurts, so that’s called EYE-ritis!  I asked the doctor why did Iritis pop up, why do I have it?  He didn’t know.  I asked him where did it come from. 

“Is it due to overuse of the computer?” 

“No.”

“Is it because I’m in my 50’s?” 

“No.”

“Is it because I have my mother’s bunions?” 

“No.” 

“Is it because I have the family ‘five-miles-of-forehead?’”  He chuckled then said flatly,

“No.” 

“Is it ‘cause my hair’s nappy?” 

The doctor said “no” to everything even to my being black.  He told me blacks have a propensity for certain eye problems, but that all my blood tests proved negative. 

“So what then, what?  What?  What?  What?  What?  What?  What the f**k caused this ailment, doc?!”  I did not curse at him, but I sure as hell wanted to.  He could not give me an answer.  Said, NO ONE knows where the idiot Iritis ailment comes from or why it happened in the first place.  Well, isn’t that great to know.

And then he told me something that almost caused me to slap him upside his smooth bald head with my bag Aunt Esther-style. (Aunt Esther from the 1970s show Sanford and Son for those of you not old enough to remember.  And no, I did not hit the man).  He said, “You’ll have to keep using the steroid eye drops probably for the rest of your life.”  Now, mind you, constant use of steroids in any form is not healthy.  By the way, I was also given a shot of steroids in each of my eyeballs, YES a needle to both my eyes a couple of months ago!  Yet, nothing seemed to help.  Then the doctor dropped the ball again, “by the way the steroid eye drops will cause cataracts.”

“Cataracts.  Cataracts?  Did you say…Cataracts?”

“There’s no other medicine to help curb your problem, sorry.”

“So, you’ve got me taking something that I might have to take for the rest of my life AND it WILL give me cataracts?!”

“Basically.  But, you’re already in your 50s, cataracts are bound to get you anyway.  The older you get, the more likely you’ll get cataracts.”

Hmm.  Okay, so getting older mentally, as long as your brain is intact, is cool, but physically aging SUCKS SWEATY BALLS!  Great, got it!  Thanks to whatever deity exits, God’ Allah; Buddha; Bubba; Barbie; etc.  Whatever deity created this f**king world you failed in the physical department, pal, whoooo!!!  Why didn’t you just leave the physical alone?  Why should we get wrinkles, age spots, loose skin; greying thinning hair, stiff joints, separating gums and for women a loose vagina?  Or, at least that’s what my OBGYN seems to think.

I have never had children yet because I’m getting older my OBGYN just a few months ago who was at the end of the examining table scrambling all the way up inside my aged cooch doing macramé or baking a chicken whatever the hell she was doing up there, she told me I will have to do Kegel exercises or my vagina would fall out.  Well, that’s what I heard her say, I think she said I might pee on myself, but first of all I don’t even know what the f**k a Kegel is!  And why would I exercise it to keep from peeing, I never pee on myself!  I now understand why older folks don’t like going to the doctor.  You never hear good news!  They’re always saying negative shit WILL happen to you!

Well, at any rate, I feel a little better now that it’s all off my chest.  I guess what had me upset beside the “unknown,” was that I have had all the pertinent female tests and examinations with in the last three years and I just got my teeth cleaned and so far I am in exemplary health.  And then my eyes started acting up.  Maybe I seek perfection where there isn’t any, but I mean Got-DAM!  Cut an unemployed, but happy “mature” sistah a break, would ya, I mean c’mon!  Oh well, After my exam I contacted my closest friends to complain and rant, one of them does not use the internet so I had to call.  Then I came home, fed my aged cats, treated myself to Vietnamese Basa Fish, rice and a glass (or three) of wine.  Now I am about to bathe in Lavender oil and bubbles and spend the rest of the night forgetting about the events of the day.  Well, of course I’ll have to sleep with steroid drops and wait for the cataracts to form!  But, until that eventful day thanks to all of you who read my post. 

PS- I just thought of something.  I could equally complain that my boy tabby has a urinary infection where I have to give him half of my Famotidine pills every few days or he vomits.  And, my tiny girl Calico Tore has a leaky right eye.  And then there’s me and my Iritis.  I could complain about THAT, but why bother?  That’s what writing and knitting is for, yes? ~sigh~  Hopefully my fingers won’t give out! 

Night! LDS

Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar – a Fiction Novel

First, yay!  It’s a great morning because I did not wake up with an eighteen pound Tabby on my neck!  He left my bed before I got up. Yay!

Second, sample copies of my fiction novel, Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar, is pressed and is ready for review by my management team.

SAMPLE COVER:

my GIRL book draft!

Girl With the Upside-Down Guitar is a fiction story about Sex; lies; rock and roll; adultery; hustling; delusion and social media.  The story centers on one woman, Joy, an attention-starved lonely little girl who grew up with an alcoholic mother and her well-liked philandering musician father who taught Joy, “the world is yours long as you use the right hustle.” I hope to have Girl With…edited and ready for final review by mid summer 2013.  Will show a picture when it arrives. 

Third, my fiction novel, Spoiled Beyond Recognition, is almost ready for review, about a spoiled adopted alpha male cat, it is of course based on my own boy cat.  So far my demographics looks very small, there are plenty of people who simply do not like cats.  Sad.  But, I will prevail as the book is about much more than a feline as it is about FAITH and hope.

SAMPLE COVER:

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Last,  thanks to everyone who follows my blog.  I will do my best to return the favor as soon and as much as I can.

Well, it’s Sunday which means, morning stretch; coffee; writing, breakfast; writing; gym, back home writing, eat; writing, bathe; eat again; in bed knitting.  Jealous? Tee, hee!  Cheers!