I recently took a leap of faith and walked away from a horrible, but good paying job in search of what my place is in this world.  Now I am struggling and why?  Why would anyone do that to themselves, quit working with no help and no back up?  In my quest for answers it did not take a therapist to tell me that I am punishing myself for living after burying my mother and euthanizing my boy cat, my two major duties in life.  Losing a job was my final loss of duty.  I am grieving.

Being dutiful was all I knew, it was all I had ever been.  I had dreams of becoming a mother mainly because I wanted to take care of people.  But, I never seemed to focus on MY life, on what makes ME happy.  I realized being dutiful was all that made me happy, made me shine, but it was not about ME.  I felt safe and comfortable being dutiful and when loss occurred, my duties were gone and grief set in I had no idea where to go from there.  Taking a “leap of faith” did not help me find my way in life, rather, it became my punishment, it was grief clinging to my spirit and that is not good.

A couple of days ago I began binge watching a new Netflix special called, Street Food.  Asian and Filipino street food vendors share their stories of sacrifice, loss and success.  Just when I thought my leap of faith was wearing thin, just when I began to regret my decision to finally find my own way in life, just when I thought of giving up and go back to working a 9 to 5 and spend the rest of my life living only to pay rent and bills, I found Street Food.  These folks (chefs, cooks) refused to give up, even in their struggles they found their purpose in life. 

It was no coincidence that I stumbled upon this series, I am sure of that.  I might watch all the episodes over and over just to drown out the noise in my head; “You failed!  Go back to work, forget about being a tee vee writer, Hollywood is a closed door industry filled with narcissistic hateful people who don’t want you to win! Working class is the only road for you!”

No, I CAN win, I realize that now. And I am grateful for this subtle sign from mom, God, the universe, whomever or whatever made me click on Netflix and watch the stories of these lovely people who have endeared way more than I could possibly imagine.  I believe I was meant to watch these stories because I have always played it safe, I always had a job and I always paid my bills, on time. What I want in life is to get paid doing what I enjoy even if I have to struggle and sacrifice.  Grief is real, but moving forward is vital.  I will move forward, I have to move forward.  We all do.  Thanks for reading. LDS


One morning I awoke early to the tortured scratching of both cats scurrying across my forever-receding five miles of forehead.  They are elderly yet they can find time to scare the shit out of me!   I sat up in bed and I wondered three things.  1)  Why do I have to paint on my eyebrows, what happened to them?  2)  I never thought my two fourteen year-old sick cats (boy has diabetes, girl now has kidney issues) would out live my mother, they did.  3) I am a loner who has contemplated taking a “leap of faith” for nearly twenty years.  Twenty! 

I usually contemplate my life during the month of August, my birthday month.  One more year of contemplation won’t kill me, so why not make it public, hmm?

So, let’s see I am a mid-life loner, orphaned with dying cats and few friends, most of whom are living their lives and loving it.  I finally accept that I have lived in fear my entire life.   I think I already stated this fact in another post.  I am not afraid of failure, failure is inevitable.  I am afraid of success. 

I had a talk with one of my co-workers the other day, an easily annoyed, stressed woman who has a longtime boyfriend.  We both have the same fear of success issue.  But, she overcame her fear somewhat when after years of wanting that man, she finally got him.  But, every day she fears he will die, or be badly crippled or burned or whatever.

Najee Zaire, Male Tabby, 14 yrs old.

Pemba Zimbabwe, Female Calico Torte, 14 yrs old.

I certainly don’t want to take that leap and stress over things.  I don’t want to finally find the right man only to worry when he does not call that he is somewhere left for dead.  A leap of faith is not only mandatory for me, but it must happen for my personal health and well-being.  You see, my 9-2-5- is sucking the life out of me and my creative projects are suffering, not good.  As for how I will leap, I will accept help and support – although, asking for help can be hard for some of us prideful brown skinned women.  But, I will ask in the only way I can accept, positive thoughts and good energy from anyone reading this post.  PS-forgive that I have not been reading other people’s posts, I can barely find time to do my own, but I will catch up, I will.

Also, I have removed myself from negative people and from people with whom I give all my attention, but they in turn give me crickets.  This includes noted people who constantly ask you to “buy my CD,” or, “go see my film,” or whatever they are poaching.  Some noted folks refuse to acknowledge what their fans are about, they give you “dust” because you ask the same of them that they ask of you.  How selfish is that?  We all of us deserve praise for our achievements, no matter what we achieve, right? 


So, from now on, I will “follow” and “like” only those who follow, like and acknowledge me, period.  I won’t cut off those I already follow, but I refuse to continue to praise anyone who does not give me praise.  Acceptance and praise, I have come to learn, is vital in one’s emotional growth and mental development.  I never gave a damn about anyone giving me praise before, but without my mother I now understand that reciprocal compliments matter in bringing positive energy into my life.


So, back to that morning when I awoke early to the tortured scratching of both cats scurrying across my forever-receding five miles of forehead.  I went back to sleep, I had at least an hour before I had to rise for work.  When I DID wake up I felt the scraping lick of my boy cat’s sand paper tongue against my eye lids.  Ah, pets.  My girl cat, who sleeps to the left me and who is afraid of AIR, was soft-licking my arm.  This is how I wake up these days, morning kisses from two cats.  But, instead of thinking “what a painful morning I am having,” or, “my cats are old and sick and they are going to leave me alone and old” like I normally do, I felt assured that the leap of faith had in fact begun.  I state that because I am working harder on my creative projects no matter how tired I am, and I am corresponding with a man; we both enjoy writing each other.  Now, I have not dated or acknowledged a partner since the last five or six Millenniums, so for me this is a nice beginning to a new life. 

Just had to share that.  Next time, I will focus blogging on my creative projects including my fiction novel, my knitting website and my mother’s photo book that I am currently revising.

Click photo

Thanks for reading!  Live, Love, Giggle and keep it positive.  I will do the same.  Cheers! LDS

A Blog Pause for BLISS

vintage typewriter
Typewriter photo courtesy of Pinterest.

I have witnessed people go through life’s ‘transitions,’ and the challenges life has to offer.  Some people live with very difficult challenges including Cancer and Leukemia.  Despite it all, they hold down jobs, they have relationships, they carry on with their lives.  Some of them even carry on with faith and a smile every single day.  I have also witnessed people marry, have kids, become writers and playwrights, move to new states our out of country, get a new apartment or home.  Despite life’s “challenges,” these folks have found their “BLISS” basically.

As for me, achieving my bliss is a constant struggle, not ashamed to admit it.  But, I am working hard on achieving it.  For instance, I am writing, well I have been for the past couple of years, my first fiction novel.  I am grateful my “bliss,” writing AND knitting, has stayed with me all these years.  My bliss is what keeps me centered and somewhat stress-free.  The bad news; as I chase my bliss I am far behind with reading other people’s blogs and “thumbing up” or liking people’s posts on Facebook and Twitter and clicking on the “hearts” of people pictures on Instagram.  I apologize for that; I will support more when I can.

Before I get back to writing I want the world to know, or whomever reads my posts, as I try to focus on my bliss I will take a brief “blog pause.”  Until I return to blogging I hope everyone out there is focused on finding their own bliss, if you haven’t done so already.  It truly is a wonderful feeling doing what you love and what keeps you centered.

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Here’s to being blissful and fully centered.  Have a great 4th!  LDS


I believe that given this ever-changing internet era, it is a good time to be alive, yeap it is.  It is especially a good time when contacting with “noted” folks, or celebrities. Some of us on occasion, in my case only occasionally, like to write, tweet, Facebook celebs and immediately connect with celebs which is pretty cool. But, I have learned that the difference between literary and visual connection is way different. When you write, you run the risk of misunderstanding and misrepresentation. But, when you speak face-to-face you don’t need to clarify yourself with winks, LOLs or happy faces. You simply speak your mind and the person you spoke to gets it. Or not.

Back in the day you wrote letters to your favorite stars and were lucky if they were not returned to you unopened. But, in the internet era celebs actually connect with you! You write your thoughts, they see your thoughts and they know how you feel! Cool, right? If you are lucky you might catch a celeb in mid-tweet, or on Facebook, Tumblr, etc. and garner a response right on the spot. Whoa!

The upside is that the celeb might “favorite,” “re-tweet” or even reply, ever happen to you? They may “like” or make a small comment to an earnest response you made to their work, their music or their role with a, “cool,” or “nice,” or “thanks.”  Feels good being acknowledged by a celeb, right?

The downside, depending on what you write, might get a negative response, something that is misunderstood without a happy face, wink or sidebar. That ever happen to you? You end up feeling like you did something wrong, “gosh, did I actually upset the singer/actor/whatever whose music/movies I support?” How many of us write to our favorite celebs only to have them misunderstand our tweets or Facebook/Tumblr/etc. posts? How does it make you feel? Do you still like the celeb after they ripped into you?

I recently tweeted about a married duo I have come to enjoy and whose music I purchased, JOHNNYSWIM. Actually, I think I only connected to them because of the wife’s mother whom I adored, Donna Summer. I grew up listening to Donna’s music and Donna’s husband’s music, Bruce Sudano, solo artist who occasionally performs with Brooklyn Dreams. Took me almost two years to accept that Donna passed since she did not share with fans that she was ill, which is fine, some things do not need to be shared. I’d like to think Donna brought me to her daughter and her husband, this is an amazingly talented duo. But, I digress, I always do. Anywhoo, I don’t know who moderates J.S.’s Twitter account, but whomever he/she was, they did not like a comment I made about a venue J.S. will appear at.

 4:06 PM – 18 Apr 2014

@LDSargent: “JS will appear in SF in June at a 1914 bldg that was a mortuary refurbished into restaurant/bar.”

@JOHNNYSWIM  “Info I could’ve gone w/out?

@LDSargent: @JOHNNYSWIM  “Quoted what was on their website, figured you knew since you’ll be there. No worries, have a great tour.”

I simply stated a fact and a bit of what is historically part of my hometown, yet someone read in it something bad, I think. Or maybe they were being smart-ass and I could not tell since there was no wink or happy face. I finally realized the idea of mentioning a mortuary might have set them off, but LOSS is everyone’s burden, not just two young folks who were talented enough to bleed out their pain with great writing and music.

I am not angry at being misunderstood, I will continue to support the duo, but my suggestion to any noted person, any celeb out there and/or their moderators who pick and choose whose tweets, etc. they respond to, and READ THIS CLEARLY, if you don’t like what you read from a fan/supporter, simply don’t respond.” It is the mature and probably the safest thing to do and it will prevent confusion and hurt feelings. My suggestion to us peons, us “regular” folk, write whatever you want, but keep in mind some celebs might write back. ;c)   As for you folks who marry into “royalty,” in this case marrying noted folks or their children, good for you, you are in a very tight-knit cliche.  But, keep in mind, life is not always fair and it does not last forever.  Karma, however, does last, so watch your back and try not to disrespect those who support you.

This is a good time to be alive and to connect with celebs, but be aware of what and how you write, that’s what I have learned. Or, write what you want and feel comforted that a celeb is “feisty” enough to write his/her disagreement with you which makes them more human, than “noted.”  As I deal with my nearly non-existent ailing mom; my aging cats; and my lack of having my own family, I choose to live in a positive, happy environment with anyone out there who chooses the same. We all suffer loss, however, I choose not to live with the pain, but to live regardless of it. Like Johnhnyswim says in one of their songs, “…I’ll die when I’m done.” Well stated, ‘cause I sure ain’t done LIVING.  In closing, I am happy that there are people out there, including celebs, who allow me to speak to them through my fingertips and share with them comments or recipes or videos or pictures, etc. from one human being to another.

Have a great week ahead, back soon! Lorrie  

A few artists who appreciate ALL their fans; Dwight and Nicole (Great band, great folks); AloeBlacc; LoNero ☆Guitarcore☆ The Sam Chase; Orianthi (this busy gal actually follows ME); The Mystro Power of Music Band, etc.

Bay Area Brooklyn Belle

It is not yet official, but my move from the eclectic weather of the West Coast to the seasonally extreme survivalist weather of the East Coast is calling me.  I originally wanted to move to Paris, and I will someday because it too calls.  But for now my decision to move out of my home town is long overdue.  I feel like I have been pushed aside like an unused napkin at my favorite restaurant.  Well, not so much “pushed aside” as I believe there is nothing in this city for me to thrive on anymore.

Case in point:

Few straight men who aren’t already coupled up and those who are my age date 20 year-olds.

Few male/female friends and associates who are my age and single, everyone’s a grandparent looking to retire by now. 

Work is hard to find that isn’t the typical city job with benefits, been there, done that.  And, unfortunately my work skills seem nearly outmoded in this generation with the exception that I acquired some HTML skills from manipulating online websites.

Middle class people who look like me, including some friends, have all moved out of the city to find work making San Francisco nearly less blended.

I am no longer motivated to live in the laid-back environment of California.

Why Brooklyn?  Well, NYC itself is VERY blended, although, some boroughs are more blended than others, obviously.  But, Brooklyn is away from the “hubub,” Manhattan, basically.  I think it is where I need to be, a quiet shut-in of a writer/creative artist who lives in a semi-hip, non-Manhattan-where-everything-exists-only area.  Now, I hate the idea of hustling and holding down ten jobs just to survive like people in New York tend to do, I’ve seen it in action.  And, I don’t plan to “work where I can find it” and live in a hovel with strangers with my two elderly pussies in tow struggling to survive with no heat or air conditioner.  This is the reason I chose not to move to the East Coast last year.  Plus, I had my ailing mom to consider and bills and debt to pay, still do.  Yes, I held myself back from fear of failing, basically. 

But, San Francisco has become an extremely expensive place to reside for a single mid-life gal without a rich boyfriend or “dependents.”  And I have no reason to live here anymore, not really.  I am, therefore,  ready and motivated to move on and live in a town that will push me off the comfort of my flat black bottom and into the world of “movers and groovers.”  I am ready to find the right job, support myself and flourish with my hobbies which is encouraged, I’ve seen it in action in the East Coast.  I was always the type who needed to be pushed forward just a little, might as well be now.  Besides, life is nothing if one is not moving forward and I am truly sick and tired of WATCHING everyone else move forward while I remain in one spot struggling.

I believe I have faced my fears and insecurities and I am actively pushing myself forward and onward.  I am now focused on what I want and what will make me happy.  I am ending one chapter and beginning another to finally carve a name and place for myself before I blend into the earth.

So there it is and here I am and onward I push.  Don’t wish me luck, just wish me well.  Thanks!

L.D., a future Bay Area Brooklyn Belle

Baby Steps

Givenchy - Front Row - PFW F/W 2013Kim Kardashian, Kanye West courtesy of Celebuzz

Dreams don’t always have to be “deferred,” they CAN come true in any form!  But, before one gets Pulitzer or Emmy or Oscar or Book of the Month Club Award for his/her writing work one must crawl before one takes a big long walk to success.

Thank you CELEBUZZ for acknowledging me, a person who expresses her creative opinions about some of the personalities and stars you support.  Thank you for recognizing me as a talented “non-celeb” without judging me or my blog.  While I am not a big fan of the drone that is “reality tee vee,” I am a fan of people who do big things with whatever talents they do have.

Last year Celebuzz chose my caption for the CAPTION THIS contest which made me feel like the star I thought I once wanted to be.  I now realize I am a “loner” writer who chooses privacy and anonymity over fame.  But, I am still a star at heart!

I AM a winner!  Hey, this post may seem silly to some, but I consider this honor a “baby step” upward, forward and onward to success.  Every little bit of recognition helps.  I will treasure this honor and when I become the “Best Selling Reclusive Author,” I am destined to become I will definitely keep Celebuzz in mind for my future “no comment!” posts.

My wining caption

Celbuzz and Kanye and Kim

Pinterest BOMB!

With all I am leaving behind me in 2013, both good and bad, I am happy to cling to one of the “perks,” one of the few things that make me smile, Pinterest.  Don’t know why, but this social connection to the entire world fascinates me!  Allow me to share a bit of my happiness.

pinterest pixA beautiful dress I would love to wear and model in Paris.

Pinterest pix 2A woman painted eyebrows on her dog.  I swear I still dislodge a kidney whenever I see this cute picture!  Lawd hammercy, thank heavens for animals! ~snort~ HA!!!!

pinterest pix 3Um, yeap I want!!!!!

pinterest pix 4My place!  Well, one day.

j bakerAn inspiring woman I relate to for some reason.  Ms. Josephine Baker.

cafeOf course I love my coffee and occasional cafe visit!

e goyardLove this beautiful, “old school” luggage company!

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Me in Paris 2009.

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Well, just wanted to share some of the things that make me smile.  Let’s all have a glorious, successful, healthy, happy and prosperous New Year!  Let’s ring in 2014 with a big ole glittery flourish!  I also love all things beads!  Cheers, LD

pinterest beads

TEE VEE, the new “city” job

I wrote about television and reality shows in another blog post, however, I feel compelled to write about those topics again.

Back in the day the most secure job to have if you did not pursue a professional career was to work for the City & County wherever you reside.  Working a “city job” meant for forty years or so you received a steady pay check with benefits and retirement.  You lived from paycheck to paycheck barely “eking” out a living paying bills, rent, etc., but it was a steady job.

Those nine-to-five days of working-for-the-city job security are long gone  – I myself am a laid off city employee.  The new “city job” happens to be working in television, “reality” television to be exact.  EVERYONE has their own reality tee vee show!  Dwarfs have a show; pit-bull owners and cute kittens and puppies have their own show, girlfriends of celebrity sports players; ex-wives of celebrity entertainers; movie and rap stars have their own shows; preachers; mistresses; gypsies; freaks & geeks; frugal and fetish-obsessed folks have shows.  Hoarders; babys mamas/babies daddies; pageant children; even bald Eskimo tap dancing zucchini farmers are the new normal these days!

I grew up at a time when television was very young commercially.  In the 1960s when I was a child tee vee was very innovative with creative shows that sparked imagination.  I loved watching television, actually tee vee was mine and my younger brother’s baby sitter after we came home from the “latch key” program.  We did not have video games and the internet to utilize, we had to use our imaginations and escaped into our own world with cardboard boxes, hair brushes and oratory – teachers verbalize stories to us and we pretended to be in that world.  We loved television shows back then including, HR Puff N Stuff about a boy who walked inside a hat and found a strange animated world.  One of my favorite nighttime shows was The Wild Wild West, a scientific-themed western.  Just between you and me, I loved seeing Robert Conrad in those tight pants and short-cropped bolero jacket!  Whoo, what a man!  There was I Dream of Jeannie, about a man in love with a genie in a bottle; Bewitched, about a man married to a witch.  By the 1970s television spawned variety shows like Carol Burnett; Sonny and Cher and The Jackson 5 and Osmond Brothers.  My imagination soared from those shows and many others.

These days television is less about escapism and more about obscure voyeurism, watching bankrupt folks and broke celebrity ex-wives and your neighbors publicly embarrass themselves by exposing their darkest secrets for a paycheck.  I personally am not mad at anyone’s hustle, this is a tough economy and people are making money however they can.  But, bring back actors and sitcoms and variety shows!  I am sick of seeing the same tired reality show formula; people drinking too much, fighting, vomiting, dressing poorly, screaming and yelling, sleeping with each other’s mates and using the “toob” to whine and complain about their ills because they can’t afford a therapist.  

The only good thing I see about reality shows is that it sparks a plethora of deals for those so-called “personalities.”  Endorsement deals, books deals, record deals and business deals.  And if that is what it takes to pay those bills I say to you Hollywood star wannbes, “good for you, go on get that money!” Hell, if reality tee vee pitched a show about a woman at mid-life who writes, knits and crochets and lives with two elderly pussies and has an expired bus pass, and I could make money at it, SIGN ME UP!  Of course the stipulation is that I won’t fight with my cats, nor will I expose myself.  Well, unless I can get parts of my body tightened, straitened, plumped and sanded.

Until then, happy tee vee watching for those of us who still care about watching television.