My “issues” with religion run deep. I am a non-practicing Catholic since my late 20s; I curse like a drunken sailor; I lose faith if I get a hangnail, I’m insecure most times for no apparent reason. But, as much as I fail to “believe” and “have faith” on many occasions, I mean, I need a bushel, not a mustard seed, I also realize something very important. I realize that someone besides my mom wants me to succeed despite my “issues.”
Someone besides my mom wants me not to give up and blend into the cold wet earth. Someone besides my mom looks out for me even when I curse and cry that no one gives a fuck about me and what I am trying to accomplish. Someone besides my mom does not judge me by the number of friends I have, or that I am not “smooth” enough, not “nickel slick” enough to take whatever I want without regard of others. Someone besides my mom knows exactly who I am and how I want to present myself to the world, whenever I present myself. Most importantly I realize that someone besides my mom knows I CANNOT GIVE PRAISE UNTIL I LEARN TO PRAISE MYSELF.
Whomever that someone is accepts Lorrie even when I feel let down at every turn, when I am unmotivated and scared of life. Whomever that someone is that rests on my shoulders, God, Buddha, Allah, etc. that someone is patient enough, unlike many humans and with the exception of my mom, to allow Lorrie to find her way as best she can do, warts and all. And I truly am GRATEFUL to whomever that someone is.