I AM Golden

golden doorGolden is how I feel. 

Resplendent and gliding

my small wide feet against stoned path and

Crushing weariness into a hopeful dust

To a an closed now open door.

golden 5 Golden is how I feel. 

Triumphant, tall and brilliant

like Naomi

Mocha, fierce and fabulous

and strong and knowing

I AM someone you want to know.

golden 2Golden is how I feel.

Into my mouth I place golden fruit

that glistens my gums and my tongue.

I shine golden and I sing golden and I speak golden.

I AM golden in this moment.

 golden 6  golden 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Golden is how I feel.

With my freshly brewed morning cup and

golden chocolate drops

soothing and energizing my welcoming belly.

I am golden with refreshing LOVE and LIGHT

and I can see and think clearly.

golden 7Golden is how I feel.

Golden is who I am.

Golden is where I stand

Golden is where I belong.

I am Golden.

 

“Two Birds, One Stone”

I never really enjoyed hearing the phrase “kill two birds with one stone,” I could never be so cruel.  But, it’s only a phrase, you’re doing as much as you can with what little time you’ve got. I chose to use the phrase as title for my latest video, a brief bit of travel for business, or as the hip-hoppers say, “being on my grind,” and some fun.  The business or “grind” deals with my upcoming fiction book, “Girl With the Upside Down Guitar.”  More on that later.  The “fun” was supposed to be a visit to the Grammy Museum to see the Donna Summer exhibit, featuring some of her costumes, writing and art work.  I believe these contributions were given their blessing by Donna’s husband Bruce Sudano and Donna’s three daughters, Mimi Dohler, Brooklyn Sudano-McGlafin and Amanda Sudano-Ramirez.  sisters and the Gaines family and respective families.  And I believe the exhibit got the blessing of Donna’s sisters and the Gaines family and respective families.

Now that I think about it, “kill two birds?” after having viewed the personal belongings of legends such as Tupac Shakur, Mike Jackson and Donna Summer?  OMG, what an idiot I am!  I might have phrased that better.  ~sigh~  Wow.  I think what I am trying to do with my life now is grab passion, work hard for passion and live life with as much passion as possible.  That’s all I want to do right now, not kill two birds.  I want to live my life to the fullest and do as much as I can with what time I have left. Perhaps that is what my title should have been, “life and passion,” not “two birds, one stone.”  Well, who cares, too late. Geesh!  :c(

Visiting the museum was not exactly the thrill I thought it would be.  The museum is a nice site nestled amongst a thriving bustling downtown Los Angeles, wow!  I had not lived in LA since the 80’s, what an expansion!  But, how could the fun really be fun when I can’t Tweet or Facebook or Instagram such wonderfully talented artists as Pac, Jackson or Summer and thank them for their contributions?  So, I was a bit sad about having to see their pictures behind glass showcases rather than in person.  But, ah Donna, well she was special to me.  I was a teen a when she flourished musically, I tried to sing like her, my voice back then sounded only slightly similar, and I mean ONLY SLIGHTLY.  And, I had no idea Donna was so gifted, so “deep” and so tall!  And Donna spoke German, she left for Europe just out of high school, very impressive.  Just a few things I learned about her from reading her book and viewing her online videos.  Great lady. 

I admired Donna because she was not only a talented singer with a huge vocal range, alto, soprano, etc., but Donna took chances and she was a wife and mother; a life that I never got to experience.  The exhibit showed off Donna’s beautiful paintings; pencil renditions of costume design, her writings and a couple of videos showcasing her musical abilities and dramatic flare. I believe Donna had it all and I admired her for her drive, risk taking and passion.  My passion?  Well, it left the building years ago. but I am working hard to get it back.  I am not aiming to become the iconic star Donna was, but I would not mind inspiring people like I think she did for me.  To be passionate, take chances and live the life you set out to have.

Until I write again, hopefully with a clearer head for blog titles, enjoy the video and the song at the end called “I’m a Fire” from Donna Summer’s album, Crayons.  It is a remix created in 2008, by someone named Matty Soulflower.   I chose the song to celebrate Donna and her “transition” as it took me this long to deal with her death, not mourn her life.  The version of her song is very San Francisco club mix. In honor of Miss Donna and others who have left far too soon, enjoy.

Cheers! LDS

ORANGE

new day

Welcome to 2015!  While I wait for the residue of 2014 to wash off my weary body I plan to be very busy in 2015 which unfortunately means I won’t “blog” very often, but  I WILL work on blogging as frequently as I can.  Until then I will “reflect” how I feel and what I hope to feel with great images and my words that speak volumes for me for the year ahead.  Feel free to feel what I feel and enjoy!  See you soon!

Orange

orange ky

In my mind I wander,

along a path.

I find a rusted door with a rusted lock,

but no key.

I wander, drenched in a hue

that reflects for me

a bright “shimmer” resonating a deep glowing wave of hope.

orange wave

I wandered not far from the rusted door,

I wish I had the key.

I stepped over the rusted locks

that lay along the path near the door.

orange links

The rusted worn locks had beauty to them

a pained and crinkled solemn splendor

that lay on the path beneath a lamp.

The lamp illuminated the very glow

I wanted my soul to feel, and I smiled.

orange light

As I  wandered I looked up to find

a timid little bird

that rested not far from my path

although, it did not notice me.

orange bird

On my way home, in my mind

I burned an orange candle

and I reflected my journey

along a path with an orange hue

and a light of glowing hope

that I know will bring to me

a new year of many colors

that I will relish and savor

And find peace, love, happiness

and success in every sense of the word! 

orange candle

Life is GROWTH

Life is nothing if it is not about growth.  Life makes us all put things into perspective whether we are prepared to do or not.  Our human brains are never quite prepared for beyond life, but we can’t lose perspective of what life is all about; living, loving, laughing, change and growth.  Growth is about moving forward and moving forward is ultimately about death.

In mid-November 2014 my biological father, a man who did not raise me, passed on.  I will eventually lose my beloved mother who is at hospice care and has lived with Dementia and Parkinsons for 13 years so far.  Doris, my mom, single-handily raised me and my younger half-brother (different dads) to the best of her ability. I was devoted to her and dutiful to her every need.  My father Clyde was inconsistent in our “relationship” at best.

me and clyde(L.D. and Clyde in the 1960s and 2005 at my half-sister’s wedding.)

One thing I like about life’s growth, life’s transition, is that at some point you get a bit of clarity.  For instance, all my life my father never told me why he chose not to participate in my upbringing, yet before he passed on, he became attentive to me and talkative, as if he wanted to really speak to me.  I knew something wasn’t right, he was never effusive with me.  I told my father I had finally gone back to work in a job with the Government and he suddenly beamed, he had retired with the Government.

“Oh, I put out contracts for the twin Tower building in Oakland, California!  I retired wearing $200 suits!”  My father loved his money.

“But, dad you know I am kind of artsy, do you think I will be able to keep up with this type of job?”  I asked.  He answered with his typical no-nonsense gruff Southern flare.

“Well, you got a brain, dont’cha?  You went to college, didn’cha?  They wouldn’t of hired you if they didn’t want you!  They don’t hire dumb people, not the Government!”  That was Clyde’s way of paying me a compliment, I believe. :c)  I remember he and my mother came to my graduation, I had returned to college in the 1990s.  That picture is the ONLY one of them together that I have.

parents at my graduation edit(Doris Banbury and Clyde Sargent, 1996 SF State University)

Clyde even gave me money recently to be finger-printed for my job and money to eat, I was completely strapped before I got that job.  He had never before been so readily attentive to me.  But, it is when he  asked me to live with him, came out of the blue a few weeks before he died, I realized something was wrong.  Perhaps I had a biological “connection” to Clyde, but I knew something was not right.  Three weeks later he was gone. 

I am happy to have learned that my Southerner father Clyde Lee was a smart college educated man with a plethora of accolades on his den wall, I remember seeing them.  Clyde survived Typhoid fever as a child growing up on a cotton field, a tiny parish called Sicily Island in Catahoula, Louisiana; (I went there as a girl and saw his house and the cotton field).  Clyde fought in the Korean war (1954-56); graduated with a B.S. in Vocational Agriculture from Southern University and in 1984 Clyde became the first black Director of Procurement and Contracts for the Federal Government. 

dad

The coolest part, Clyde gave me my younger sister Vickie, we grew up in separate houses with different moms, but we got to know each other over the years which is a good thing.  At Clyde’s memorial, he and my sister’s mother are cremated and will reside at their old house to be close to Vickie, I spoke although, I did not want to.  But, I was poised and funny and irreverent and I mentioned that if Clyde did nothing else for me as I learned he had done for so many others, he gave me pretty good genes to work with.  And that is the best type of “growth” to have, good genes, especially as an adult. 

I am of exemplary health and I am prepared to move forward in life knowing that my mom, Doris, and my father Clyde gave birth to a woman of courage, faith and strength with good skin, good teeth, those that are MINE, and a wicked sense of humor!  I believe life moves forward and we all must move with it, no looking back, but move forward  and accept growth as a blessing not a challenge.  GROW is what I am prepared to do.

Have a great holiday and New Years Eve and a fulfilling and prosperous New Year in 2015, everyone!   Lorrie