Life, Animals, Humans, Love, Loss. Life Still

All of us come with “baggage” both animals and humans. We all come with genetic coding that either does us in or stays with us longer than we care for it to, Cancer; MS; CP; Mental Illness; Depression; Schizophrenia; Bipolarism; blindness; etc.

Najee boy cat Najee – 2013

I adopted my boy tabby, Najee Zaire, 13 years ago when mom received her Dementia diagnosis. Had no man, no kids in my life, I needed someone or something to offer my heart to. I adopted a girl cat, Pemba Zimbabwe, a year later.

Pemba ZPemba – 2013

And now, 13 years later recent six hundred f**king dollar blood tests prove my girl at 12 yrs old is of exemplary health.  The boy on the other hand developed a type of Stage 2 Diabetes which means additional expensive-ass vet food plus expensive-ass insulin shots that I must learn to administer this week, I’ll do it myself because he hates going to the motherf**king vet; have to put him on sedatives just to get him into the carrier on the way to the vet.  And, the vet tells me he’s to be given  human insulin.  HUMAN insulin for animals, really? And there’s no way for my insurance to cover the cost.  Seriously?  Really?  What-the-who?

Ah, life.

I believe it is time for me to move forward, just as life does, it moves forward.  No more hanging onto the “dutiful” coattails of being good daughter, nursemaid and “mommy.” My mother, whom I cannot bring myself to visit any longer and my boy cat, who is frail, will have to rest safe and sound inside my heart and soul. They have to because I have to move on so that I may allow someone “special” to move in. Whomever that someone is, I must allow him…

…Into my heart…

…Into my soul…

Soon.

Soon.

Soon.

And when (they) pass,

I will cry hard and long on strong, masculine shoulders.

But, not just ears of sadness,

Tears of hopefulness that they will be free

And I will be free and I will move forward

Just as life moves forward.

I will rest and let my tears dry,

And when the moment of grief has passed,

However long it takes to pass

I will know as I have always known,

LIFE moves forward. Still. 

And so will I.

L.D. Sargent

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