The Church of Mighty Reverend Mocha Bus Pass Lady helps celebs

(Lindsay Lohan courtesy of TMZ)

There is something I have always been good at besides writing and knitting.  I was always good at offering emotional support to folks.  People always seem to come to me when they need an ear to bend, or whatever the term is.  In the case of noted celebrities, however, people I once wanted very much to be, but never became, I have ears, but they are slightly hearing impaired.  (Actually, I really am hearing impaired.)

As far as celebrities are concerned, I wonder: what’s wrong with these folks, can’t their money help them?  Money CAN buy happiness, I’ve talked to a couple of rich folks and they informed me that it is most certainly true.  But, what is it about fame and fortune that drives some folks off a cliff, so to speak?  Too much too soon?  Or, maybe fame is like a run away train, once you are on, it is hard to get off?

Whatever a celeb’s problems I feel that if I was ever going to help a poor, tragic celebrity sort through their plethora of “issues,” or “shoos” as I call it, then I would need extra support myself.  That support would have to come in the form of my alter ego, a woman who can handle anyone’s problems any time and any place.  And while I am in no way trying to emulate Oprah, a woman some people seem to think is a deity in a dress, I do feel the need to reach out to my fellow celebrity human beings if only to offer sage advice.  I’m not always in the mood, but I guess giving advice is what I am born to do.

My advice comes from a divine entity, a woman who probably could save the world as long as she can afford hair care products, food, and cat litter.   THE CHURCH OF THE MIGHTY REVEREND MOCHA BUS PASS LADY AND HER PUSSY PATROL.

Basically, Mocha holds one of her two cats close to her middle-aged bosom, she calls them the PUSSY PATROL – her cats, not her bosoms – and while they purr, her cats, not her bosoms, Mocha gets a sign of some sort. A calming, heart rate lowering sign of peace.  That “peace” helps her help others find peace.

All right, so, in reference to poor, tragic, but talented as hell Lindsay Lohan, a product of two foolish people who chose to make children, Mocha, who happens to be holding her girl cat ’cause her fat-ass 16 lb boy cat is too busy tracking cat litter all over the floor, offers this advice…

“Lindsay..gurl, chile, take a break from your folks for just enough time to realize while they may love you, they themselves are in dire need of lots of psychiatric help, a good smack upside their heads and they probably need Jesus.”

Halleluah!  Amen!  Praise all who believe!

Later for now.


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